I got up this morning and sat down with Riley to wake up and watch cartoons while the coffee brewed.  As we watched I was reminded of some good advice I heard in a sermon  recently.  The pastor spoke on Handling Your Child’s Behavior, and he admonished us as parents to “speak life to your children”, they need to be encouraged.  He also talked about rewarding good behavior, keeping things positive,  look for opportunities to celebrate what our children do that is praiseworthy.  For those times our children misbehave and do something wrong, he reminded us of the verse from Ephesians 6:4 that says, “Fathers, (Mothers too) do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.  Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

I remember one time a couple of years ago, Riley was not happy with circumstances over a situation and did not like the way Mom and Dad had handled it.  Very visibly upset, he looked at Chris and said, “Daddy!  You are not supposed to make me mad!!!”  After both Chris and I recovered some from our initial shock and suppressed a little giggle, we explained to Riley the real meaning of this verse.  He had misinterpreted this verse and thought that we were not to make him mad.  Actually this verse means just what it says.  When we discipline our children, it is OUR behavior that needs to be in check at that time.  We need to discipline them in love, teaching them the correct way to behave and let them know that in spite of what ever they have done, we still love them.  That doesn’t mean that we are softies in the discipline process but that we discipline according to the action and speak words of love, instruction and healing to them.  That way when they grow up, they will look back and recognize those times they misbehaved as a lesson learned and corrected.  Once we explained the meaning to Riley, his anger subsided and he began to change his behavior.

Now, back to the cartoon in particular that got me to thinking.  The main character of the show began to show off and in the process, scored a soccer goal for the other team.  Of course that wasn’t his initial intent, he got wrapped up in himself and made a mistake.  As a result, the announcer (who was an elderly woman) proceeded to verbally insult him over the loud speaker, his dad and sister put on disguises to hide themselves and left him on the field, his best friend rejected him and wouldn’t be seen with him, then the announcer followed him home calling him all sorts of degrading names as she road along on her scooter.  I looked at Chris (who had joined us) and Riley and said, “Wow.  What a great life lesson that is for a child to learn.”  Those words from the Pastor rang loud and clear in my head, “speak life to your children”.  Again, I was reminded how our world has it wrong, TV makes it ok to tear each other down, to shun a person when they’ve done wrong, to verbally or physically beat a person up and take on the role of judge and disciplinarian.

So when our children do something wrong, what example do we set for them?  Do we criticize them and beat them down with our words?  Or do we physically reject them and refuse to be around them?  Sometimes we really are frustrated at them and want to tan their little hides.  We can’t believe they behaved the way they did.  Do we choose to see every situation as a teachable moment to teach our children how to correctly handle that situation?  Do we show our children love and speak life to them, in spite of the mistakes they make.  “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Proverbs 15:1  We have noticed that when we remember to speak life to Riley we get such a better response.  Things like, “You had a rough time with … out there didn’t you?  Maybe next time, you could …. “  Or “The Riley I know can do better than that.”  When we as believers make mistakes does our Heavenly Father berate us, tear us down and make us feel like we are worth nothing?  No, He shows us the  mistake we made, if we are sorry and seek forgiveness He forgives us “as far as the East is from the West.” (Psalm 103:12)   He may discipline us in love which is always good for us, even when we don’t want it.  If we take it and learn from it, we are able to share in His holiness, and grow in spiritual maturity, there by choosing life (Duet 30:19).

I know, this cartoon didn’t speak directly to the issue of disciplining our children, but it set an example opposite of speaking life.  Our children  follow the examples set before them and regrettably, TV can be a very prominent one.  If we as parents do not speak life to our children and give them the correct example to follow, they will see examples such as this and think this is the way to behave.  They will think that ridiculing their friends, classmates, siblings and parents is ok.   If we as parents do not see every situation as a teachable moment to instruct our children and love them, they will not have the right instruction for the next time something happens.  And there will be a next time.

^17-18 But I warn you: If you have a change of heart, refuse to listen obediently, and willfully go off to serve and worship other gods, you will most certainly die. You won’t last long in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

^19-20 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love God, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him. Oh yes, he is life itself, a long life settled on the soil that God, your God, promised to give your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Deuteronomy 30:18-20

Well I must say that this week has been much better than last. Attitudes were much better although still present. The Lord used situations this week to help me learn something about myself and my son. I am finding more this year how much of a strong will my son has. We knew and suspected that he did because we saw evidence of it as he was an infant or toddler. We saw more evidence of it as he grew up but it didn’t seem to be quite as previlant the last couple of years. Do any of you have a strong willed child? How do you deal with it?

A dear friend of mine gave me a great analogy yesterday as she was helping me through one of those battle of the wills. He is like a lion in temperament and I am like a lamb. The lion struts around trying to gain control of his territory and show he is king and the lamb stands there trying to figure out how to bring this to an end and keep from getting eaten. It isn’t like I don’t discipline him at all, I struggle with knowing how and when to do so and to what extent. My tendency is to threaten a certain discipline and then when it is too late I realize that I’ve really messed myself up by threatening and not following through.

I know the enemy seizes the opportunity to grab a hold of me in my weakness and cause me to doubt my ability to effectively discipline my son. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to realize that a situation is slipping out of control and like yesterday I loose sight of my job as a parent – only momentarily. Then I have to remember to ask myself, what has God called me to do as a Mother to Riley? These verses came to me this morning.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

34″A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35″By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

My job as Riley’s Mother is to train him up in the way he should go, so he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6), to raise him up in the admonition of the Lord, (Ephesians 6:4) and to show him Jesus, to set an example of Christ before him and be obedient and discipline him in love. In my thoughts and prayers this morning I have been reminded of Hebrews 12:4-12

4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as children? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Wow! What encouragement to persevere, to press on and to not loose hope regarding my son’s strong will and my inability at times to keep the battle of the wills under control. Thank you Lord that your promises are true and you lovingly chasten us when we loose sight of our job as a parent to these precious gifts you have given us. As my husband and I discussed this situation we have with our son and how it is my job as his Mother and teacher to lovingly discipline Riley. God used my loving husband to show me that I need to have the temperament of the lamb but not back down, to keep persevering and hanging on to my territory as a parent. My prayer this week is that i don’t loose sight of that territory and give in to the lion that is waiting to take it from me.